Have you heard about the brand new Japanese machines
That translate for your dog so you know just what he means
I strapped one to the collar of my faithful kelpie Fred
I asked him if he felt all right and this is what he said

CHORUS:
I’m hungry, I’m hungry, I’m hungry, rub my belly
What’s that noise, what’s that noise
Schmacko, Schmacko, walkies kick the ball
I’m hungry, I’m hungry, I’m hungry, rub my belly
What’s that noise, what’s that noise
Schmacko, walkies kick the ball

I took Fred for a walk coz we both had itchy feet
And soon enough we met a lady walking down the street
She said that Fred was lovely so Fred told her she was pretty
And when she screamed and ran away he sang his little ditty

CHORUS

Then Fred asked me questions he’d often thought about
Like why do humans change their skins when they are going out?
What happened to your tails, and how do you open gates?
And without a real good sniff how do you recognise your mates?
And by the way...

CHORUS

Fred became quite learned, he really got quite pesky
Always wanting me to read him Freud and Dostoevsky
And when I asked him what he thought of everything I’d read
Fred looked up and winked at me and wagged his tail and said

CHORUS

Fred went into politics the people loved him dearly
Soon there were new flaps in all the doors at Kirribilli
And when he made his maiden speech the people cried for more
They’d never heard such honesty from a PM before

CHORUS (very slow then very fast)